My Journey From Everything to Nothingness, By Pratikcha

I was a pessimist. I was unhappy. I was oblivious.

“Nothingness is the basis of everything.”– Sadhguru

How often do we look inwards and see what is happening within our body, mind and soul?
We frequently lose sight of what is going on in our own lives because we are preoccupied with
the lives of others. There would be less criticism and greater enjoyment if individuals
concentrated more on their own lives.

When I was younger, I used to get asked to be someone else but never myself. I’ve always taken risks, been fearless, and experienced life on my terms. It took me twenty-five years to figure out why so few people loved me. For reasons I’ve never been able to comprehend, there would always be someone attempting to undermine me, sabotage me, and corner me. Perhaps this explains why I felt uneasy about myself as an adult. I didn’t have self-confidence. I doubted myself about a thousand things. Throughout the process, I lost a lot of friends, my ideal employment, and most importantly, myself.

Thousands of young people from South Asian households have fled to Western nations in search of a better life and a higher salary, particularly in Nepal now that the social and economic scars of the COVID-19 pandemic and high inflation have taken hold. I have witnessed a great deal of my friends relocate abroad and lead really fulfilling lives in a short amount of time. Yes, I am aware that earning that lifestyle is difficult, but things are much worse in Nepal. That’s why they all departed, then!

When my mother noticed the pattern, she began to put pressure on me. Never did a day pass when we did not argue seriously about it. I took the International English Language Testing System (IELTS) since there was definitely a lot of pressure. Not only did I not want to be someone’s illegitimate wife in order to relocate overseas, but I also understood deep down that I could never advance due to financial limitations. I knew I was capable of better than that. At the time, I worked for an NGO. I resigned soon however, since I did not love working in that office. I made the decision to leave Kathmandu and had little desire to return because at that point I was a total nobody with not enough savings. I headed to East Nepal, to live with my maternal parents.

My escape left a huge vacuum in my own heart. My life was frustrating me. I was blank at this point. I was too much for myself. You wouldn’t think that I was having an emotional disorder if you saw me back then because I always seemed content. Naturally, I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to worry about money and that I would have three meals a day in addition to a free stay. But I was totally broken inside. I used to browse employment websites day and night and send my resume based on what interested me.

I watched the highly anticipated Hindi premiere series Asur out of boredom. First of all, I was perplexed whenever the characters discussed the word Asur. I looked it up on Google and found the definition which is « Evil » in the English language. I learned a great deal about the teachings of Hindu scriptures there. From then on, the desire to understand more about Hindu scriptures increased. Subsequently, I began to watch another well-known Hindi daily soap about Lord Shiva commonly known as the God of Gods. At this point in my life, I was primarily concerned with my faith than anything else. I was visiting temples and witnessing numerous miracles, such as help from total strangers. Almost felt like a blessing in disguise. By now, I was receiving numerous calls for job interviews in Kathmandu, which meant I needed to come back right away.

After reaching Kathmandu, I went ahead and started getting ready for the interviews. Like the last job, there were some places where I would have to work extremely hard and get paid very little. Then it occurred to me, why should I have to go through the same tunnel repeatedly? Similarly, there were a few more offers that I turned down in advance since I knew the pay would be smaller, and at one NGO I wasn’t expecting.

Once more, I had no idea where my life would take me. My savings began to dissipate. Even though I was still unemployed, nothing appeared to be going my way until I made the decision to ask a friend about the Isha Yoga Centre, which I had seen in a picture from one of their events in India. I registered for the Inner Engineering Programme after he helped me understand it and made arrangements for it to happen in Kathmandu. The event started promptly at 6 am and ran till 9 am. If you know me well you know I am never on time. However, I modified my entire regimen for this programme. In order to go to the event, I used to get up at 4 a.m. and leave the house by 5:15 a.m. Over the years, I have never felt like I belong somewhere. It was my first time. I could finally feel at home. I was not subjected to criticism or backbiting. I could let my feelings out here without worrying about what people might think behind my back. I had never felt so secure.

You must be thinking about what the Inner Engineering Program is about. Thus, the programme was created by Sadhguru, an internationally recognised Indian spiritual leader who is highly regarded for his wisdom throughout. It is about reprogramming your mind and transforming lives from merely darkness to the light. They teach you meditation practices and train to calm our monkey minds.

From the time of the program I turned vegetarian. It happened in October of 2023. I no longer wanted to consume meat. In my mind I thought- if killing some innocent lives to keep your taste bud alive is called happiness then I no longer need this state of mind.

Over the course of the seven-day programme, I released everything that I could. I was happier and lighter. The program’s effects became apparent as early as the second day. My dedication began to veer more towards Sadhguru. I would watch his videos and feel inspired to start over. I had had enough of this unhealthy way of living. Osteoarthritis is one of my mother’s numerous serious medical conditions. I would always be admonished that I wasn’t doing enough even though I was always putting her medication first with the savings I had. Of course, a grown woman who is still searching for its purpose would feel irritated. Then I got enlightened here. If working like a donkey all your life can bring you to a hospital bed then I do not want such life either. What are we trying to catch? How much wealth do you want to accumulate and do with all that wealth? Bury to your corpse? I was inspired to start living a healthier lifestyle there. I ventured into yoga.

Yoga is merely the integration of mind, body, and soul. It is an ancient technique and uses physical postures, breathing exercises, and meditation to improve overall health. I admitted myself to one yoga school in Kathmandu. I kept my thoughts to myself as I knew that my life is my own and that I should follow my own path and not worry about other people. My job route was altered. My desire to work in high-level I/NGOs changed to yoga, and I started living a simpler but more contemplative life.

Yoga is definitely not simple. Having no prior experience, I attended a yoga school. It’s not at all simple, and I’ve cried, given up, and skipped lessons! Yes, the road always felt like a bittersweet one as I started to go forward gradually. Today, I am a 200- hour Ashtanga Yoga instructor and leveled my yoga game to Intermediate level and wow this is father of what I had previously learned. But one day at a time. My 300-hour Ashtanga Yoga teaching certification will shortly be awarded to me. In addition, I completed a Sound Healing or Singing Bowl course when I was a student at this yoga institute. I have certification as a Sound Healer as well. I’ve been practicing sound healing and yoga in an official manner. I have begun to get job offers from many places and I know this is only the beginning of my new life, new career.

I love putting my ideas down in writing. My best friend these days is social media. I talk about how my life has changed and the lessons I’ve learnt from it. Friends and followers often remark on how much they love reading my viewpoint, but the most flattering remarks are those that state they sense my positive energy.

Right now, I live by the philosophy that everything is possible for me if I can change even one life. Because the only things this generation knows how to do is take from others and offer less than they truly provide. My goal is to become the perfect example of philanthropy.

“The quality of your life is determined by how peaceful & joyful you are within yourself.”-Sadhguru

Similarly, even if I might not have the same financial success as my peers in terms of a house, car, or bank balance, I know that deep down I will always be peaceful and joyful. I’m done chasing after what other people are chasing. I desire a slow-paced, simple life where I can savor each day for what it truly is to be alive.